joe whines about everything

2011-09-02T02:20:00.001-07:00

Why I don't mind shameless imitation

2010-12-13T15:48:00.000-08:00

When you see something that's clearly an imitation of something you like, your first reaction is often "Pft, look at that, it's obviously just a ripoff of ______." and then you change the channel or song or web page. Allow me to encourage you to reconsider. Just because something is a blatant copy of something else, that doesn't mean it won't provide its own new information/entertainment. Example: American Dad. Now I know that you probably don't like Family guy in the first place, so when you saw that they were basically just remaking it and calling it a different show you were probably all "bleh". I know it's ridiculous. A talking fish instead of a talking dog? Really? A flamboyant alien instead of a flamboyant baby? Really? Everyone has their crutch when it comes to writing, whether it be a reliance on the early stages of romantic relationships as a comedy well (Seinfeld), or constant cutaways and non sequiters (Scrubs?). I guess Seth McFarland's crutch is anthropomorphic animals, so...yeah. Anyways, American Dad is a lot better than Family Guy in many (all) respects, so you should probably give it a chance if you like adult themed animated prime time shows as much as I do. Which you probably don't.

Here's something...

Achewood (2004)

And here's a Daisy Owl comic from last year

I mean, c'mon. That Daisy Owl comic is influenced by Achewood, sure, but why does this have to be a bad thing? I love Achewood, but Onstad doesn't write new ones often enough to satiate me, so I read Daisy Owl because it's kind of like Achewood and I haven't seen it before. People can get wrapped up in staying faithful to the original thing, which is often better than the ripoff, but what happens when the ripoff is better than the original? In the case of Family Guy vs. American Dad, the newer and better cartoon goes unnoticed. Non Family Guy fans see that same animation and assume it's going to be the same old schtick that they've been sick of for years, while Family Guy fans watch it and don't like it because it's not Family Guy. Basically I guess I'm saying you should try out every new thing that comes out, regardless of how much it's just a terrible clone of something else.

That's bad advice, folks. Don't listen to me.

Was Jerry Reed the coolest motherfucker that ever lived?

2010-12-08T13:08:00.000-08:00

Short answer: Yes, yes he was.

This video is only a minute and a half long, so watch it.

Stop Making This Joke:

2010-12-07T14:27:00.000-08:00

First it was in Arrested Development

Kitty Sanchez- "I've been Googling your father."
Michael Bluth- "So I've heard"

Then it was in 30 Rock.

Yeah, that's enough.

5 Misconceptions I Had About The Beatles As A Child

2010-11-29T13:46:00.000-08:00

I love The Beatles, but I didn't always. As a kid, I shied away from old music because I felt I couldn't relate to it. This was unfortunate, since I grew up in the 90's and pretty much every band that was smeared in our faces then was terrible (yeah yeah, Weezer, Pixies and Rage blahblahbla I don't care). So I missed out on a lot of good stuff that came out in the 50's, 60's, and 70's, since around my house we just listened to what my sister listened to, which, to my recollection, was pretty much just these two songs over and over again. My parents like The Beatles, but we didn't listen to them a lot, and when we did it was like "ugh, Mom and Dad are listening to old people music". Anyway, here are 10 things that I got wrong:

Joe Cocker wrote "With a Little Help from My Friends"-I mean...can you blame me?
All their later stuff was all marshmallow pies and marmalade looking glasses -This is not true, however, I still don't care for that sitar song, or the psychedelic imagery in songs like "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and "Strawberry Fields Forever" (I do like "Come Together" though).
Yoko ruined everything-Maybe she did, but who cares? If all you need is love, why would John need The Beatles? For some reason the general public thinks they owed us lifelong touring and musical output, which I don't understand. They spent so many years of their lives making us happy, so why can't we let them be happy? Did we really want them to turn into dried up mummies? Plus it's kind of messed up that Yoko gets the brunt of all this, you know, since she watched her husband murdered in cold blood and all (plus I read somewhere that John insisted she be with him at all times because he was sure every man in the world wanted to get with her).
Ringo is a shitty drummer-This simply isn't true, but it also brings up a good point: GOOD DRUMMERS SUCK. You can't compare proficiency in drumming to songwriting, singing, or guitar playing. It's just not the same. What makes a good drummer is his ability to play what's needed for the song, which is said about every facet of music, but is really only true of drumming. A showboat drummer is shitty, so everyone should be glad we got Ringo instead of someone like this.
Their songwriting is simple-While this might be true when they're compared to bands like Fleet Foxes or My Morning Jacket, for the time, their stuff was pretty complex. The thing that led me to believe that their songs were simple is just that they sound so right. They didn't need to mash a bunch of parts together to make a good song (although they did do that from time to time). It's the little things, like the weird turnaround chord sequence they do at the end of "Help!", or they way they go "better better better better" at that part in "Hey Jude" that makes their music complex and totally weird in a palatable way.

So that's it. When you hear a band everywhere you go your whole life, it's hard to hear them as just four dudes who write songs, but as I've gotten older I've tried to do just that.

Dude

2009-11-25T17:57:00.001-08:00

next to me on the train has a backpack from The Sharper Image. I wonder
what wonders lie behind the zippered, mesh enclosures.

A Thing About Stuff

2009-11-09T22:15:00.001-08:00

Before I start, I'd like to point out that my "F" key is messed up, and
that I might miss a few here and there. No, I'm not going for an Irish
thing, I just missed the "f" in "of".
I'd like to have one brick wall in my house. There are 39,420,000
minutes in the average life, and we're all forced to find a way to pass
them. When are we supposed to settle, I wonder? I always imagined that
everyone just knew when it was time to get all domestic with their
lives, but now I'm not so sure. I guess or most people it's a gradual
thing: they get a job in the field they're interested in, they meet a
nice guy/gal, one of them ends up pregnant, they realize that paying to
rent an apartment is dumb, and so forth. How do you pass the time?
I often think about how easy it is to become homeless. One
addiction can do it, yeah? Alcohol even. For someone like me who can
barely wake up in the morning, and who maaaaybe likes drinking a little
too much, it seems like I'm right on the edge. I'm not though, simply
because I have a bunch of friends and family who could put me up. You
have to wonder how many bridges must be burned to end up as the guy
sleeping on Geary street at 11:42 AM. Actually, I know a serial bridge
arsonist. He burned the one between us, and all he'd have to say is
sorry to get me to let them sleep on my floor. Kinda makes me wonder how
many lives could be fixed by sorry's. Swallowing your pride sucks, but
it's better than choking on it.

2009-11-02T16:23:00.000-08:00

*This post has been deleted*

Oh, sorry Bart, I didn't know you, Jay Leno, and a monkey were bathing a clown.

2009-11-02T14:36:00.000-08:00

It's all here:

2009-10-26T11:02:00.000-07:00

"Fast kickin', low scorin'. And ties?

You bet!"

Oooooh, a Gary Larson calendar...

2009-10-26T10:52:00.000-07:00

"I don't get it...I don't get it...I don't get it..."

Perscription drugz

2009-09-07T12:03:00.001-07:00

The funny thing about all the drug commercials is obviously the super
long list of horrible side effects, as we all know. Here's a fun one:

"Serious neuropsychiatric events, including, but not limited to
depression, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt and completed suicide
have been reported in patients taking..."

Seriously? Completed suicide? What company in their right mind would
put themselves in position that that forces them to mention that you
miiiiight just go ahead and kill yourself after taking their product? I
can't think of any ailment that is bad enough to make me consider taking
a pill that could possibly lead to me dreaming of stringing myself up
when I get home from work.
Ok, here's the thing, the pill is for quitting smoking. I can't help
but wonder how many of the side effects are just the side effects of not
smoking. Why are people killing themselves instead of just buying a
pack? Why would the drug company get tangled up in something that
requires them to list these side effects? Even the cigarette companies
know better than to do that. I don't really know what to think about it,
but it's pretty ghastly to watch a commercial that depicts a happy old
guy with brown teeth walking around in his yard while suicide warnings
get read off in a pleasant female voice.

The Lord Be Thine Bringer Of Fast Food And Wal*Mart

2009-08-11T15:34:00.001-07:00

I used to always end up riding behind this nerdy guy in the bike
lane on the way to work, and in the mesh pocket of his backpack was a
"Yes on Prop 8" sticker. This dude, presumably some guy with a family
and stuff, not only figured out a way to put a bumper sticker visibly on
a bike (genius!), but would ride around town proclaiming that he had a
personal problem with gay marriage. Why? So he could sway the opinions
of passing motorists?
"Why should we listen to his opinion? Dude doesn't even have a
car!"
Maybe he was looking for a way to relate to his fellow cyclists?
(although I can think of at least one that'd rather bash his head in
with U-Lock.) Probably though, he was just a guy that got caught up in
the whirlwind of smooth talking, "child protecting", conservative
religious nuts. Did you see the commercials with the little kid looking
sad and saying something along the lines of "don't let the bad men teach
me about Adam and Steve". Did you then Google "child molesting priest"
or "church funding Prop 8"? If not, you missed out.
We really shouldn't be teaching kids that they can go out and marry
someone of their gender. That's just crossing a line. First of all, once
one kid knows about it, they're all gonna be getting in line to make out
with their best friend. I wish the media had told me sooner that I could
choose to be gay. It think I would have gone for Richie. He seems like a
cuddler, you know? Plus, being gay is the quickest way to make your life
totally easy. If there's anything more popular than kissing a guy in
public, I haven't heard of it. It's really no wonder people make this
choice.
Who's fault is it that we live in a world where people make a
hateful statement the only sticker on their car/mesh backpack pocket?
God's. I was talking to a friend the other day about a book called
Society Without God, which (from what I gathered) is about the
difference between God and tradition. Basically, religion created a few
traditions that are liked by most everyone: marriage, love thy neighbor,
don't nail thine harlot behind the broad back of ye olde wife who's
gained a few pounds in the last couple months, ect. These practices can
pretty much appeal to everyone. No, not everyone wants to get married,
but those who don't generally don't have a problem with other people
doing it. And not every neighbor is worthy of "love" per say (I'm
talking about your street sweeping loud music playing child porn
downloading neighbors here). But more or less, God is credited with
these rules that supposidly brought us out of the ages of coveting each
other's wives and carving graven images. I guess it was about time for a
change, because people sure took that decalogue seriously. What I'm
saying, is that God is the problem. Why can't we just do the right thing
without having to be rewarded with eternal bliss? Why can't we marry
whoever, treat each other how we want to be treated, and judge people
based on character? I'm of the opinion that the trouble starts around
Exodus 34:11:

Take care not to make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land to
which you are going, or it will become a snare among you.

You shall tear down their altars, break their pillars, and cut down
their sacred poles (for you shall worship no other god, because the
Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God).

You shall not make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, for when
they prostitute themselves to their gods and sacrifice to their gods,
someone among them will invite you, and you will eat of the sacrifice.

And you will take wives from among their daughters for your sons, and
their daughters who prostitute themselves to their gods will make your
sons also prostitute themselves to their gods.

To me that seems like a threat to me. Fuck up everyone that doesn't
believe in God. If I'm interpreting that wrong let me know, but I get
the feeling that this is where everything went wrong. For the last few
days I've been trying to think of a horrible thing that happened that
didn't have religion at it's root, and I'm drawing a blank. Why do angry
mobs beat up gay people? Because God promised them that they'd go to
heaven for it. Why do we out source labor to Chinese sweat shops so we
can buy cheap trinkets at Wal*Mart? Because they have no God, so fuck
'em. Why is it so hard to find food that isn't made mostly out of
chemicals? Because God has a big wonderful plan for all of us, so it
doesn't matter what we do or say or eat, so we might as well eat food
that tastes good. Why believe in God when there are little kids dying of
leukemia? Because he's testing our faith. It's a trick! U sneaky, dawg,
you almost had me believing that this is the only life I've got, and
that I should spend it making myself and my loved ones happy.
You ever notice how the Swiss Army knife is the only thing you know
about the Swiss Army? Or how nobody ever crashed a plane into the Oslow
Plaza in Norway? I woooooonder why....

Old

2009-07-14T13:03:00.001-07:00

Aging, what a weird thing. We want the the waist size we had then, the
hair line we had then, the ability to drink all night and wake up
feeling fine. We want the clean slate. More than anything I guess we
just want to be able to go back in time with the knowledge we have now,
then apply our 20/20 hindsight to every situation that sucked. We want
to live up the good times that we now know wouldn't last, and forget
about anything that eventually wouldn't matter. The Peter Pan complex is
a bummer, but what can be done about it? Every second that goes by is a
second spent not doing something that you'll later wish you'd done, but
sitting around wishing for days gone isn't helping anything either.
You can look at the bright side I suppose. I don't want to go back
and memorize all the states and capitols again, that's for sure. I don't
yearn to see my grandfather in a casket again either. We all know that
with every sad or bad thing that happened to us there was a good thing
we wish we could experience one more time, but would the upside of doing
them again outweigh the downside of whatever crappy thing happened
immediately after? I doubt it. It's like how if it was Christmas ever
day, Christmas would suck (that analogy works better if you actually
like Christmas). It seems to me that all we can really do is look at
what we did to get where we are, asses* where we are, and look at what
it'll take to get us where we want to be. Sounds dumb, yeah, but so does
wishing you had to spend your time climbing ropes in the gym and hanging
out in the Taco Bell parking lot at 2 am. I'll take wrinkles over acne
any day.

*is that spelled right? Asses? Looks like a Luke Shapiro word to me.

Fone

2009-07-14T10:00:00.001-07:00

So I'm posting from my phone email, just to see how it works. I guess
it's time to tell a joke or something to fill up the space:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't
seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out
his cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The
operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is
heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

Maybe punk exists because those kids couldn't tune their guitars

2009-07-13T23:05:00.000-07:00

Think about it: if you want to play anything that involves hitting single notes on a guitar, or a chord-based harmony, you have to be in tune for it to sound right. They couldn't afford to get the nice guitars of the time, Floyd Rose was still in high school, and strings stretched even more than they do now. Yeah, I'm sure they were filled with rage towards the government or whatever, but those guitars still sounded like shit. That's all.

Do we need another CG movie? Of course. One where jive talking rodents are the stars? Er, sure. One where said rodents fight crime for a high tech secret government agency? I dunno, probably not, but it's coming either way, and there's not a toxic green blog on god's forrest green Earth that can stop it. I just don't know why kids think certain stuff is cool. I'm sure they had a whole marketing team putting together facts from extensive McDonalds based market research (yeah, they mic the dining rooms in MacDonalds, didn't you know? How do you think all the overweight Midwestern women keep getting all their prayers answered?), and determined that this was the best possible time for a cartoon about crime fighting Guinea pigs. Well obviously. The expendability of such small animals means they aren't putting too many tax dollars into whatever agency they're involved with (you know, a tiny casket only costs a couple bucks to make). also, Guinea pig sales should soar after the movie comes out, which will be good for all the Guinea pig salesmen out there. Maybe they can form a union.
I'm not actually against movies like this though. Taking your kids to the movie is a great way to let them annoy someone other than you for a couple hours.

Scrabble night

2009-07-12T02:25:00.000-07:00

Well here's what we came up with. The Southeast quadrant is my favorite part.

Prow

2009-07-09T22:36:00.000-07:00

Driving home from Hollywood one sunny morning Riley, Josh, and I stumbled upon something wonderful and hilarious that would forever change the face of comedy for our group of friends. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Prow:

It was just this paper model plane thingy. My favorite part is the people who are having the picnic, and are clearly illustrations, that are photoshopped in with the kid in the photograph.

Oh ok

2009-05-31T16:34:00.000-07:00

Eh, haven't posted anything in here in a while due to killing my SK and being reduced to using this crappy Nokia guy. I had something that I thought was a good thing to say something about (good sentence!), but now I can't remember what it was. Ok I'll talk about fruit. Lately, my friends and I have been eating fruit when we drink, and since we've started this I haven't had one hangover. So try it. My recommended fruits are:

-Banana
-Mango
-Kiwi (with the peel on, it's like eating it with a cracker)
-Lemon
-Lime
-Orange

Ok this is like, the worst post ever. I dunno.

2009-03-10T17:55:00.000-07:00

I was combing the floor one day in a particularly overwhelming bout of “let’s make this shithole apartment clean for once-itis”, and I got a good look at the part where the rug meets the wall. I realized that I had no idea what that part of this place where I’ve lived for the last two years actually looked like. It wasn’t like, cool or anything, so I apologize for getting your hopes up (maybe you thought I was going to tell you about how I found the worlds only microscopic dragon, or how the little gap from carpet to floor board is actually a portal to a dimension where people don’t have noses and the beer flows like wine). It was just the feeling of being close to the ground without wondering what else I could be doing, or if my clothes were getting dirty or something. When I was a kid I used to be on the floor all the time. I totally forgot, but, I knew every little crevice and lump and crack and stuff. I remember the part of the carpet where it was kinda messed up from the dog chewing on it, and how it looked like someone had dropped a Cheerio down there (I don’t think it’s really worth either of our time for me to explain how). I remembered where all the stains were, and sometimes what they were from. My parents bought our house from this guy named Bert, who build it with his own two hands and owned one of the trashier bars downtown. He didn’t have any kids, so I presume I was the only one who ever got the feel for that particular floor (they demolished the house in 1999). Why did I stop inspecting the ground? I think it was a combination of things.

1. I became old enough to have a hobby
2. I didn’t want to be dirty because people might judge me for it
3. I wasn’t small and limber anymore, so it took effort to get on the floor
4. The cat totally pee’d there once
5. “Why am I down here? What is the point of this?”

I didn’t write this to dreamily reflect on how awesome it was to crawl around on the floor. I didn’t even write it to comment on the innocence of youth, or how “back in the day blah blah blah”. I mostly wrote it to point out how much stuff passes you by in your life, and how even if you’re the most perceptive person alive you’re still gonna miss a bunch of stuff that someone else caught,

2009-03-04T11:33:00.000-08:00

*Deleted!*

My 50 Favorite Songs (not in order)

2009-02-26T12:40:00.000-08:00

1. Alkaline Trio-Crawl
2. Pig Destroyer-Carrion Fairy
3. Hot Water Music-Just Don't Say You Lost It
4. The Misfits-Last Caress
5. At The Drive In-Rolodex Propaganda
5. Tegan And Sarah-Back In Your Head
6. Lamb Of God-Vigil
7.Tilly And The Wall-Bad Education
8. Austin Lucas-Darlin'
9. Kings Of Leon-California Waiting
10. Between The Buried And Me-Selkies
11. Lucero-I Can Get Us Out Of Here
12. The Bouncing Souls-Night On Earth
13. At The Gates-Suicide Nation
14. The Anniversary-All Things Ordinary
15. Black Dahlia Murder-Miasma
16. Bob Seger-Hollywood Nights
17. Carcass-Emotional Flatline
18. Chuck Ragan-The Boat
19. Matt Skiba-In Your Wake
20. The Mountain Goats-No Children
21. Converge-Heaven In Her Arms
22. Imogen Heap-Goodnight And Go
23. Stars-Elevator Love Letter
24. Life In Pictures-When Faces Become Numbers
25. Midlake-Head Home
26. The Pixies-Gigantic
27. American Football-Never Meant
28. Bob Dylan-Most Likely You Go Your Way And I'll Go Mine
29. Cave In-Juggernaut
30. Daft Punk-Digital Love
31. Rocky Votaloto-Makers
32. Daniel Johnston-Walking The Cow
33. Darkest Hour-The Sadist Nation
34. Death Cab For Cutie-We Looked Like Giants
35. Glass Casket-And So It Was Said
36. Hatebreed-Perserverance
37. Iron And Wine-Say What You Will
38. Glassjaw-When One Eight Becomes Two Zeroes
39. Frou Frou-Let Go
40. The Get Up Kids-Don't Hate Me
41. Minus The Bear-Spritz!! Spritz!!
42. Modest Mouse-Trailer Trash
43. The National-Mistaken For Strangers
44. Slayer-Raining Blood
45. Whiskeytown-Avenues
46. Tiger Army-In The Orchard
47. Ryan Adams-These Girls
48. Rumbleseat-Saturn In Crosshairs
49. Radiohead-Everything In Its Right Place
50. The Postal Service-The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

ZoMgz

2009-02-25T15:30:00.000-08:00

Well since I'm not going on the interwebz as much, I have to blog about something. Leeeets see...the economy? Yeah right. Listen to MY opinions on that. Babies? Nah, I think I already sorta did that. Ummmm...Subway? I don't think I should. I'm likely to puke all over this little keyboard if I start talking about that place. Well there are only so many things I hate...what are they? Ah fuck it.

manners

2009-02-25T13:04:00.000-08:00

I was thinking the other day about people who don't know each other, and how they act. Ever drive up to an intersection to find two cars there that just can't seem to figure out who should go? They smile and wave each other through, but nobody ends up going.
They're competing over politeness I think. Whoever convinces the other guy to go gets the sadisfaction of being nice, plus, they don't lose anything other than being behind the person at the next stop light. I think more people need to just some out and act like themselves to other people. The example I can think of off the top of my head is when somebody in our apartment building used our Chelsey's car washin' bucket to wash their car. We all know each other, and them using it showed that they think she wouldn't mind. By being slightly presumptuous they expressed to Chelsey that they think she's the kind of person that wouldn't mind, which is what she wants them to think. Maybe I've taken too long to get to the point, which is that being over the top nice to each other isn't always the nicest thing you can do.

date ooh

2009-02-24T16:30:00.000-08:00

Alright, well today I haven't gone, and shant go, on the interwebz (other than coming on here to write this, checking emails, and maaaaybe watching "I'm On A Boat" just once [4 times if you count just watching T-Pain say "cool"] ). I've realized what it is about the internet that bugs me: it's all the interaction. I don't need to know what somebody I kind of knew in highschool typed to somebody I've never met via Facebook. I also don't need to know what The_Trail_Pimp from Bmxboard thinks about the new Kink video. All the opinions and typos and mean shit people say to each other can't all be flooding my brain at all times. There is horrible, horrible shit on here (the internet), and I need to start avoiding it. I swear it's making me a weirdo. I'm going to continue to go to Myspace because it's the only place I talk to a few people that I like, and YouTube and Wikipedia when I want to learn about a specific thing, but other than those I'm done. And The Rusticle. And a couple blogs. And the Craigslist "for sale/wanted' section. And to look up recipies. Alright fine, I'm not changing the world or anything. What do you want me to say here? Jeez, quit reading this already. Can't you internet addicted weirdos find anything better to do than stare at a lime green website with black font? Sheesh.

woooah duuude

2009-02-23T08:50:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I'm once agan cutting myself off from the internet (in a matter of speaking, obviously I'm on the internet right now). I don't know why I'm bloggin' about it, but oh well, here we are. I started getting freaked out by thinking about my parents not being able to look at people they went to highschool with on the internet, and thus just letting the people from there that they didn't keep in contact with just drift out of their mind like a plesant memory that they can't quite remember. I'm not saying that the internet is a bad thing, I'm just saying that I can't seem to use it without making myself feel bad. So no more bmxboard (besides The Rusticle), b9board, Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, aaaand *sigh* wtso.net. For a month I guess. I dunno.

So on our way to get beer on a light hearted fridayday night, we were approached by a short, wifebeater/Zodiac themed jean wearing, heavily muscled African American man. We never got his name, so I'll call him Chester. Chester started his conversation with us by walking by us, giving me a hard look, then saying "you know, you aint as big as you think you is" (which is ironic because, due to my poor posture, I probably appear shorter than I actually is). So here we are with some asshole that actually wants to fight four dudes at the same time because of his Napoleon complex. What to we do? Oh wait, he doesn't want to fight. Saying that shit and being intimidating is his way of relating to us. He wants to talk about how Hitler got a bad rap, and then get you caught up in a complex handshake that stops midway so he can say some more shit, of course leaving you holding hands with him for no reason, which he doesn't seem to mind. At this point I realized that fighting him would probably be better than getting caught up in this rant, but we had already missed that chance. So we're stuck with an idiot who's obviously got a lot to say about nothing, and obviously no one to say it to, when Chris mentions that we're partying up at his house. Chester takes this as an invitation to join us of course, and starts walking with us to the store to get beer. I give Chris this face like "can you believe this?! What the fuck is going on?", and he gives me this face like "I know! What the fuck?!". Chester of course catches Chris making the face, thinks it's intended for him, and gets hostile again. Blah, I'm tired of typing about this, so I'll wrap it up: he didn't end up hanging out with us, thank god. He talked about Obama, but only about how he's black. He tried to relate to us via giving a pro-Hitler rant. He was drinking a little bottle of brandy and chasing it with grape juice. He mentioned a crack whore that he loved. His clothes were clean somehow. Anyways, the moral of the story is: don't go to Ocean Avenue no matter what.

Our Stupid World

2009-01-28T08:07:00.000-08:00

(also, they've invented these things called condoms, you should check 'em out).

Popular Music

2009-01-13T11:04:00.000-08:00

Alright, at the risk of sounding like some kind of grandpa idly shaking his cane at the wind, I'm gonna say it; most music is a joke. I can't get past the blatant fact that at least eighty percent of music you hear coming out of all those too-loud ear buds and cellphones is just total garbage. It's some kind of terrible monster made up of: 1 part marketable good looking young person, 1 part annoying song that you hate at first, but after hearing it in bars and associating it with good times you had at said bars you start to like, 1 part Frankenstein (not the monster one, the mad scientist one) producer who understands what people will tolerate, and the many applications that one song can have (can it be in a car commercial? Can it be remixed easily? Can the hook be related to by regular people, and thus make everyone think the song is about them?), aaaand I dunno, 66 parts gullible consumer market that feels its life needs a soundtrack that it doesn't really want to work at seeking out, so it'll just take whatever.
I read that a lot of rappers record one song, turn it immediately into a ringtone, then get their budget for their album from their label based on the ringtone sales. Is this not insanity?! Is music just a business tool? Will all the shitty "musicians" on the radio have to resort to getting day jobs when the recession makes buying ringtones seem like a waste of money? Doesn't anyone care that their song is being used primarily as a 5 second low quality sound clip to alert some 16 year old douchebag that his mom wants him to come home? No, of course not. They didn't write that song (or even sing it, thanks to auto-tuned vocals actually becoming acceptable), and it doesn't mean anything to them other than a paycheck. That's the scary part. When music becomes a machine has no purpose other than making money off of suckers with no taste, we've all got something to worry about. Put your phone on vibrate and turn your iPod down, the music in your ears if for you only.

Well that's all for now I guess, my trick knee's tellin' me there's a storm a-comin'.

So this is my life

2009-01-02T11:19:00.000-08:00

vivahaight: That dude next door is spraying down the wet sidewalk!

vivahaight: And/or toading the wet sprocket

the jerk said: That guy needs a hobby or 5

vivahaight: Oh boy does he

the jerk said: He's probably listening to Sweep Home Alabama on his iPod

vivahaight: Hahahahahaha

vivahaight: Or that song where that guy has hose in different area codes

the jerk said: Hahahahahahaha

the jerk said: Sidewalk This Way

vivahaight: Hahahahaha!

vivahaight: I loled

the jerk said: Hahaha

vivahaight: "All the leaves are brown, and the sidewalk is greeeyy"

the jerk said: hahahahaha

the jerk said: He's just celebrating Clean Dion's entire catalog

vivahaight: Hahahahaha

the jerk said: Wash Among Us

the jerk said: Spray What You Are

vivahaight: HAHAHAHAH!

the jerk said: Or the Strokes classic Broom On Fire

the jerk said: Ok I'll stop

vivahaight: Waaaahahahaha

New Year

2008-12-31T09:40:00.000-08:00

Ok, so what up with this holiday? I understand that it's unique from a calendar point of view, but where did the whole celebration style come from? Why do we base the whole thing around making resolutions about fixing our lives AND getting super wasted? There's even a day set aside for people to deal with their hangovers/think about how shitty everything is, and how the next year's gonna be different. And why does "happy new years" replace "hello" for 3 months afterward? My guess is that new years is a way to ween people off Christmas. We spend so much time getting excited about it, and on December 26th it's just over. Kinda hard to deal with, but then KUHBLINGUS! Another holiday, right there man! A holiday where you aren't expected to go home and be around your family or buy anyone anything or dress up. It's actually a good idea now that I think about it.

Everybody loves the fool

2008-12-02T11:14:00.000-08:00

Ever notice how in movies there is always the goofy side character who seems to become the focus? Examples: Jeff Spicoli-Fast Times at Ridgemont High, McLovin-Superbad, Bluto-Animal House, ect. Is it just that they appeal to the lowest common denominator? Is it that they aren't ever akward or embarrassing because they're never faced with dramatic situations? My guess is that most people watch a movie once, and in watching that movie they're bombareded with the main charachters. The funny things they say, the stupid things they say, the moments that are centered around them which you wish weren't in the movie at all, and the ending that they made which you loved or hated all come together to paint a bland picture of good and bad mixed together. Which, let's face it, makes you feel about the same as you did before you watched it. Those wacky side charachters are what add the color to an otherwise blah movie. They don't get in your face, they have only a few lines (that are memorable if only because of simplicity), and they keep the movie rolling because you're just waiting for them to pop up again. Fast Times at Ridgemont High without Spicoli is just a bland movie about a douchbag who gats fired from a fast food restaurant and a girl who wants to get it on with everybody. I don't know why I wrote this. The Coloring Book Lady is back! It's like when the swallows come back to Capistrano!

Prop hate

2008-11-13T10:08:00.000-08:00

So I haven't written in here in a long time. Maybe it's because I can't think of anything to be worked up about, or maybe because I have too much homework. Most likely though I was a little tired of whining about things that can't be changed. Oh well, I feel that there's something worth complaining about now so here goes. Prop 8 is insanity, and the fact that it passed makes me wonder if having tons of people voting is a good thing. Or maybe we should just have the voting for propositions be on a different day, so only people who really care about them will go. I guess what bothers me is that people think they'll teach it in school. What? I don't remember marrage class being part of my studies in elementary school. I'd say 75% of what I learned about marrage as a child was what I could gather from cheesy '80's romantic comedies (little kid carries the ring in on a pillow, cool guy bursts in to sweep the bride off her feet just before she says "I do" to the douchebag, ect), and the other 25% was just stuff I gethered on my own (see: without the aid of John Cusack). What I'm trying to say is; if you plan on having your child live past age 8, then your argument for gay marrage being wrong because the'll teach it to her/him in school is as flimsy as a boiled forehead. They'll find out on their own. Also, the teachers of California said they wouldn't teach it, in case you missed the commercial...
Speaking of commercials, the one's for prop 8 were just awful, weren't they. That little girl looking pitifully into the camera, seeming to say "don't let the sinners turn me into one of them. If you let them get married, then all is lost". And they actually mentioned the sanctity of marrage. What a joke. Considering the divorce rate, the adultry rate, and the fact that two drunk retards can get married in Las Vegas 24 hours a day, I don't think "sanctity" is the right word. If you don't think people should be allowed to marry who they love, then you don't have a firm grip on what marrage means.

Alright, I'm done. If you voted yes on 8 you're a piece of shit.

The Internet

2008-10-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

Isn't the internet like, waaay weird? The thing that got me thinking about this (not that I'm not constantly thinking about how weird everything is) is a looooong time ago on www.bmxboard.com, somebody was talking about how Cannibal Corpse sucked. They thought they were such phony baloney's because their lyrics are fake, and this dude said Chris Barnes (singer of CC) had been on trial for murder (total bullshit, btw). It just got me thinking about like, how did anybody know anything about bands, actors, atheletes, ect before the internet? Magazines and newspapers and tv tell you what they think you should know, but the internet tells you what you think you should know. That's the thing I guess, it's like reverse tv in a way. It's super, super dark, and it's going to make every generation systematically less wholesome from now on. Blah, I don't think it's an entirely bad thing (obviously), but it does fuel my parenthesis addiction (not good).

My thoughts on the bluegrass festival

2008-10-06T11:40:00.000-07:00

1. They should call it "The Everything You Ever Wanted To Eat Festival" (yeah, all I ever wanted to eat was fried artichokes and shellfish frys).

2. There were way more people than last year, which made for a crappy Rooster Stage.

3. Elvis Costello's second song was complete mash.

4. Bluegrass is something white people like.

5. Weed is something bluegrass people like.

6. I saw a bunch of great dogs, and I like it when people put saddle bags on them.

7. I didn't see the Porch Stage at all, which sucks.

8. The cops that got assigned working the festival really lucked out:

"Soooo, do we bust 'em for smoking weed?"

"Nope."

"Drinking in public?"

"Nope."

"Um, are we allowed to eat teriyaki sticks?"

"Absolutely."

*high five*

9. The "Strictly Platonic" section of Craigslist get's really sad a couple of days before the festival.

10.the kid with the long hair who was playing guitar and singing between the Rooster Stage and the Banjo Stage was really good.

50th post!

2008-10-03T14:00:00.000-07:00

Wow, the 50th post. You know, we've talked about a lot of fun and interesting stuff in this blog: nipple rings...uhh...OOH! that lady with the shitty house...ummmm...well you get the idea. Anyways, today I'm gonna talk about something that's surely on everyone's mind these days...

Jim Morrison was a fuck up. Why are we praising this person? What did he ever do besides sing in a moody deep voice about utter nonsense? I'm not talking about At The Drive-In nonsense, they knew it was nonsense, I'm talking about complete drivel that he thought was cool/made sense. He was stupid, people. You know, I can hear it in his voice too. He know's he's not a genius, and I can hear that little touch of insecurity when he sings his crappy songs.

Here's a excerpt from some of his poetry:

I'm Me!
Can you dig it.
My meat is real.
My hands--how they move
balanced like lithe demons
My hair--so twined and writhing
The skin of my face--pinch the cheeks
My flaming sword tongue
spraying verbal fire-flys
I'm real.
I'm human
But I'm not an ordinary man
No No No

Yeah, that dude was dumb.

I don't ever think of clever titles, and I'm not gonna start now

2008-10-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, why do guys get their nipples pierced? A man's nipples are there to be ignored, pinched in a homo-erotic locker room fashion, or possibly scraped off in a freeway motorcycle accident. We don't need to draw attention to them via body modification that you pay for (or don't pay for, depending on how close to Columbia you live, and if you can find that safety pin you had a while ago). I guess the sexualization of the male nipple is the thing I have a problem with. I bet it's because girl nipples count as nudity, and guy nipples don't, so I always associate nipple piercing with other sexual piercings (which I also think are dumb). Here's my question: if you're a dude, and your nipples are pierced, and your tongue is pierced, what's stopping you frong getting your navel pierced? Or your labia (ew, I said labia)? Ok, sorry for making it look like I genuinely care about this. Pierced nipples on a girl or guy won't actually change my opinion about the person. But you gotta blog about something.

How many times did I type the word "nipple"? 8.

OMG.

2008-09-28T14:39:00.000-07:00

This is insanity. Luke posted a bulletin on Myspace about it, and it genuinely made my stomach turn. Apparently this apartment is owned by a caucasian woman in her mid 40's.

My Twenty Favorite Heavy Albums (In Order)

2008-09-22T14:33:00.000-07:00

1. Pig Destroyer-Prowler In The Yard

2. Glass Casket-We Are Gathered Here Today

3. Life In Pictures-By The Sign Of The Spyglass

4. Lamb Of God-As The Palaces Burn

5. Pig Destroyer-Terrifier

6. Between The Buried And Me-Alaska

7. Glassjaw-Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Silence

8. Darkest Hour-Hidden Hands Of A Sadist Nation

9. Shai Hulud-That Within Blood Ill-Tempered

10. Every Time I Die-Gutter Phenomenon (shut up, I don't care)

11. The Black Dahlia Murder-Miasma

12. The Bled-Pass The Flask

13. At The Gates-Slaughter Of The Soul

14. Converge-Jane Doe

15. Hatebreed-Perserverance

16. Hopesfall-The Satellite Years

17. Blood Has Been Shed-Spirals

18. With Honor-Self Titled EP

19. Bury Your Dead-Cover Your Tracks

20. Animosity-Animal

Bah, I'm not happy with this.

*listens to Kings Of Leon*

Dark

2008-09-17T17:41:00.000-07:00

Everything is dark. Can we at least agree on that? Ok, I know it's not fair to say that EVERYTHING is dark, but so many things are dark that when something isn't dark it's note worthy. What does dark mean, exactly? I don't really know I guess. Not necessarily evil, or sinister, or soulless, or bad, or wrong, or anything. I think it has to be depressing to some degree, and I think I've found that most dark things are pathetic or sad or weak. Just most any shit that people do that isn't good or strong or self less.

You know what? I was planning to write more about this, but fuck it. What's the point?

The Geary House

2008-09-12T09:45:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm just gonna talk about the Geary House for a minute. I moved to San Francisco when I was eighteen, with no goal except to get drunk, hang out with my friends, and not have to be in Sonora anymore. My friends Robbie and Chris had moved here, and one night when they had come back to Sonora to visit (and found Santi sitting on Josh's roof all high and stuff), Robbie told me there was going to be an open room in the apartment he was living in, so I decided to go. After I moved in, Riley moved in. And after he moved in, Josh moved in. So yeah, we had a good sized crew going, and we'd mostly just hang out and drink. The Geary house often had a pile of trash in the kitchen that took up 3/4 or more of the floor (and it was a pretty big kitchen), it constantly smelled like cigarettes, and there was never anything to eat or drink in there. It was really gross, but at the time it was a ton of fun. Riley got drunk for the first time there. So did Chris (he then puked all over the bathroom and the next morning when Riley cleaned it all up he found a french fry in it!). Josh and I ate mushrooms one night in there. We used to have parties all the time which involved smoking in the kitchen and ashing in the general direction of the trash pile, VERY sketchy situations involving girls and stuff, yelling at/punching each other, and Riley chugging bottles of vodka (see: Gettin' Weird), and peeing on Josh's bed. All in all it was a good time for everyone involved (except for maybe the makeup covered gnome we had living in the cave in back, but I think he even liked it a little).
One night Riley and I were drinking on the roof (lemon vodka I believe, Yuck.) and just smoking and talking about stuff. We'd go on the roof because it was easy to get to and it had a really nice view of the Golden Gate Bridge (we also had what we called our "Beer Garden" up there, which was about 20-30 40oz bottles set up all artisticaly). So I was casually standing on the 2'x2' skylight as I often did, because they felt stable and it was kinda fun, when Riley started warning me about how it was going to break and I was going to fall into the bathroom. This wasn't the first time I'd been warned about this, so to prove my point I started kinda bouncing on it. Well it looks like everyone was right. The thing broke and I fell halfway into the bathroom before catching myself, at which point Riley pulled me out like the cool dude that he is. This was one of the two times in my life when the effects of being under the influence were undone via adrenaline (Don't worry though, we fixed that problem shortly afterwards). Anyways, the skylight was completely busted out, and remained so for the rest of the time we lived there. We would periodically patch it up with duct tape and cardboard, but it never really worked all that well, and every time you were in there it sort of felt like you were outside. When we moved out the landlord fixed it, and we somehow all got our deposits back(?).
Another night, before we were going to record The Magnet (our band Santi's full length) in Oakland at Soundwave, we decided to get loose (which turned out to be a bad idea, doing drum tracks with a hangover isn't great). Steve, Denny, and Richie came over from Sonora, and we were just partying and stuff, when Denny got a call from his girlfriend, informing him that they were breaking up. So he's all fucked up over that, and Riley's consoling him all night. The rest of us, however, decided it would be a good idea to get on the 38 and go downtown at like, 1 in the morning. So we're downtown all wasted and just kinda stumbling around, and we end up in Union Square. It was Christmas time , so they had that big giant tree just sitting there. Since it was so late at night, the place was completely abandoned. Richie climbed/pee'd on it, and I flicked a cigarette at it, which started smoking really fast (you know how flammable Christmas tree's are), but we put it out and it was ok. We ended up in the Sports Club LA, which was where Robbie worked, but I can't remember what we did there. On the bus ride home, Steve and Josh decided to get off and run home. We were in the Tenderloin, and we were going to 23rd. Apparently they made it home, and I guess they even ended up with some porn. I dunno, it was a weird night.
There was the time the gangster-ist dude ever said "party on nigga's" (best thing ever). The time Riley, Shannon, and I got drunk and broke into Riley's work to make italian soda's, then later found out that the very same night someone had also broken in, but they stole all the money out of the cash register and passed on the soda. Alyssa's crazy friend kicked a 40oz off the roof into the street in broad daylight. There was the guy who lived under us who really, really wanted us out (and eventually got his wish). I drew a little hand giving the middle finger and slid it under his door before we left, but our landlord found it before he did (oof). The Gatoraid® bottle on the roof that was consistantly full of pee the whole year that we lived there. We all experienced a ghost one night when all the candles on the tv unexplainably fell to the floor. No open windows, no one within 15 feet of the thing, everyone sitting down. Chris' guitar shaped birthday cake. The rotten potatoes that Alyssa forgot about, which filled our house with gnats (which Riley and I thought we could fight off by getting a Venus Fly Trap...we were wrong). A bum gave Riley and me half a bottle of Segrams, which we drank on the spot. The coffee table (that's in my current apartment) which was constantly covered with beer bottles with cigarettes in them (which everybody would drink from ever so often [an Ashy Larry]). Chris, this girl Jenna, and I got locked out once, and I had to coerce this guy next door to let me walk through his house, go on his fire escape, and get into our house via our fire escape. We had a breifcase filled with porn that an old roomate had left behind. Riley's car got towed, and he had to beg for change on the street to get bus fare to go get it. Mace fucked his car all up while driving...um...funny feeling. The time when Denny came by himself, and we ended up spending nearly 12 hours listening to the demo on this little keyboard we had. It was a continuous loop, but it took like, an hour to repeat itself. We found a funny drum bit in it (boo bew bew bewbew), and every time it came around it was the greatest thing ever. That day, everyone passed through the living room at least once, to hang out and wait for that part. I actually have video footage of us huddled around the keyboard waiting for it to happen.

*sigh*

Moving away from home for the first time is memorable for everyone. Some people go to college, some live with people they don't know, some get a place by themselves, and some move into a crappy apartment in a big city with their friends, so they can thrash around un-interrupted. We chose the latter, and I wouldn't change that for the world.

Geary House Inhabitants:
Me
Robbie
Cave Gnome
Riley
Josh
Alyssa
Courtney (part time)
Jami (part time)

Geary House Frequent Twisters:
Chris
Matt
Brianna
Dick
Shannon
Mace
Andrew
Rob (Jonas)
Sara
Steve
Bro
Denny
Tonya
Richie

Robbie on the couch right when I moved in:

Me on the roof:

Chris and Riley, just twistin' in front of the fireplace that I think we used once:

Homeless people

2008-09-05T16:07:00.000-07:00

Living in San Francisco, I deal with a lot of homeless people. From what I hear, SF is much more bum friendly than most big cities, which is pretty obvious. I don't know their story or anything, but I do have a few things to say about a few certain ones:

Ricky: we met Ricky outside of a liquor store called Portofino, which is at Geary and 8th. I had some change, and I wanted to know a few things about him, so I figured we could trade. I asked him where the last place he lived was, to which he replied "I'm homeless!". I told him that I was aware of that, then restated my question so that it could be better understood. Once he got what I was asking, he said something along the lines of "I lived at the soup kitchen on 3rd street 30 years ago." He's been homeless for longer than I've been alive, and he can walk, talk (sorta), go #1 and 2 without smelling like it, make sure he's wearing clothes, and shave (at least once in a while). It was just weird how he was doing so badly yet he was still alive. For 30 years. This is him:

Fat Geary Bum: Now this guy you've seen. He's usually posted up outside Martell's on Geary, and he wears a hat, he has a big beard, and he's fucking fat. I honestly don't think he has any addictions besides smoking. He's moist likely mentally ill to some degree, but he really doesn't rant or rave. And he just acts, more or less, like a real person. I saw him buying white bread, peanut butter, and tortilla chips at Cala once. So rarely have I seen a bum buy anything from a store that wasn't booze. I think he's just a really lazy guy who took the hit of not having any money or security (or even a roof), just so he wouldn't have to do shit ever. I can respect that.

The Poet: He's always wandering about in the neighborhood in which I work. He's like, 6'5", and he is super fucked up. he never really says anything, except for the time that he approached me with a poem he'd written in a "Homeless Person Poetry Class" (which I assume is organized by Train Track Tony behind the bread factory at 3:17 on thursday mornings). The poem was about treating homeless people equally or something, and it actually wasn't that bad. It was, however, written in crayon. :(

Homeless Raj: This is another Geary bum. He wears the same thing at all times (obviously?), he looks just like this dude Raj I know, and according to chris he totally crazy 50% of the time, and completely normal the other 50%. Weird.

Gay Bumz: They are these two bums that hang across the street from my work, and they just cuddle and make out all day. riding by to take this picture I was so overwhelmed by the smell of piss that i almost crashed my bike. The day after this picture was taken their little camp was more or less gone, save for a gross blanket, 3 or 4 condom wrappers, and that lingering piss smell. awesome.

Death: He's the guy you see walking furiously up and down Geary at all hours wearing a long trench coat (no matter what the weather happens to be that day), and a giant, jet black afro. I've never heard him say a word, or eat or drink anything. I took this today actually:

The Coloring Book Lady: She lived outside my work for a few months, and I found her habits to stranger than any bum I've ever encountered. She used a stroller rather than a shopping cart, which was really dark. She also constantly drank this black liquid out of a water bottle. She never asked anyone for money, and I never saw her eat. AND, she colored in coloring books constantly. with ball point pens. and when I say constantly, I mean 12-13 hours a day.

Recumbent Bikes

2008-09-04T22:51:00.001-07:00

What's up with these things? did someone really think we needed a hammock-bicycle hybrid?

Reality Television

2008-09-04T14:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not writing about this in my tv blog (yes, I'm so lame I have a tv blog) because it's more like something to whine about, and less like something i find enjoyable. Moving on. Rtv (I'm going to call it rtv from now on, ok?) I think started with the news, of course. The next shows that showed reality were America's Funniest Home Videos, and Cops, which were both decent additions to the television world. Then there was great fiction: Seinfeld, The Simpsons, Drew Carey, Frasier, Home Improvement, Just Shoot Me, News Radio, Wings, JAG, The X-Files, E.R....ect. Then the internet. I can't connect the two directly or articulately (I may have even spelled that wrong), but something tells me the internet is to blame for rtv. I assume it's some kind of combination of the realization that regular people can be talented/funny/smart/interesting, and the crappy economy forcing tv studios to cut costs. Thus, rtv was born. It's taken over every channel, it showcases all the terrible thing that happen in life that I'd rather not think about when I'm watching tv, it throws all the idiots I was trying to avoid by coming into my house in my face, and it's most likely here to stay. Goodbye good tv, we hardly knew ya.

*single tear*

Heaven

2008-09-04T10:13:00.000-07:00

This isn't necessarily a religous post, but it sorta is, so bear with me. There are people that believe in heaven being a tangible place that they'll actually go to, but what do they think will be there? Amish people live their whole life according to what they believe will get them into heaven. They don't educate their children past 5th grade. They don't use electricity. They don't socialize with "English" (that's us) people. They live their lives so simply so they can end up in heaven, but what do they expect to find when they get there?! I can only imagine their heaven being a giant Wal-Mart where they can openly smoke crack and wear pajamas all day. Is heaven just based on indulgence? It sure is portrayed that way by people that claim to know about it. What I'm getting at is this: isn't heaven just a place that people think will fill all the voids in their lives? You worked as an accountant your whole life, so your heaven is a place where nobody asks you to crunch numbers (or everybody asks you to crunch numbers, depending on how much you liked your job). I think you need sadness to have happiness. That's why there's always some shitty part in even the happiest movie. But there's no sadness in heaven. How many days can you spend by the beach drinking Corona's before you realize that you're fucking bored?

Eternity.

Doesn't that word just seem ominous? Even if my "life" in heaven were to be a 24 hour (or is it 100 hour? I can't remember if they're on metric time up there) a day orgasm, I'd eventually get tired of it. Part of what makes us English people happy is the rewards we reap from being motivated enough to do something before we die. If we have all of eternity, why would we ever do anything? Actually, I think we'd end up doing it no matter what...you know, like the room full of monkeys assigned the task of writing the best novel of all time. Nm, I take it back.

Ok, I know I'm being too literal, and that heaven holds wonders beyond our wildest dreams and all that crap, but even so, it's just something to kick around in the ol' noggin.

*goes to hell*

Overpopulation

2008-09-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

Fucking shit, The world is too crowded. What do we do? Limit people to only having one biological child and make adoption easier? Execute more murderers/rapists? Change God's mind about making abortion a sin or whatever? Populate the m00nz? Eat the rich? I don't have any answers (and if your looking for those, you might want to navigate your browser away from this page), but I do feel that there are things we could do to make this tiny planet a little more bearable.

1. In many cultures, having a bazillion kids is a good thing. In my culture, the culture that gets weirded out by seeing a stroller that holds four identical kids that are each nine months apart, it seems like that's a bit excessive. I dunno, maybe you've got a lot of love to give or something. That's cool I guess, but maybe you could adopt some kids who's mom lives in Crazy Drug Land, where condoms don't exist. But it's not that easy, is it? My sister adopted these two kids recently, and the process for doing so was just out of hand. She and her husband are both responsible college graduates with steady jobs and a clean four bedroom home. the person who's kids they're trying to adopt is an unemployed 22 year old fuck up. They took her kids away because she can't stop smoking weed. Weed. Seriously, if you can't stop smoking weed, why the fuck would you want kids? The put the kids in foster homes, which are, from what I've heard (my dad was a social worker), a terrible place for kids. They called every woman "mommy" and every man "daddy" for the first few months with my sister. The stupid girl willfully gave them up, then suddenly wanted them back. Did she quit the weed? No. Did she almost get them back? Yes. The whole situation just goes to show how insane the adoption system in America is. Maybe if we let these kids live with good people, we'd end up with more good people?

2. Why are we giving so many terrible people free room and board? Why are we letting them excercise (for extra window smashing/woman strangling power) and read books (for extra cleaverness when slipping a roofie in someone's drink)? Because it's probably rough to execute someone, then later find out they were innocent I'd imagine. Which makes sense. But what about all the people who rape someone, get 30 years in prison, get out on bail after 5 years, rape someone 6 months later, get sentenced to 20 more years, get out after 5 more years, then rape someone 6 months later? I say kill them right then. After all that, do we really think they can be reformed? Quit wasting everyone's time and money. Three violent crimes=death penalty. I know it sounds harsh, but whatever. I don't have to flip the switch though, so what do I know?

3. You have 8 kids because God said birth control is a sin. And abortion is also a sin. I really shouldn't get into how I feel about this stuff, but I will say this: You. Are. Ruining. The. World. What I don't get, is why you care about sins? I admit I'm not all that familiar with the bible, but didn't Jesus die for them? Why can't you just ride on that? I'll spare you my religous rants (for the time being), and leave it at that.

I'm just so tired of seeing a million cars jammed up everywhere I go, and hearing about multiple cold blooded decapitations per week, and smelling all the bums on the street who somehow couldn't find work, and talking about all the people I wish had been decapitated.

The clothes they wear

2008-08-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

What up with 'em? It used to be that girls wore tight-ish shirts and boot cut-ish pants, but now all that is out the window. I'm not saying I think we should go back to that (cuz then we'd all be constantly playing Is She Hot, Or Is She A Mexican High School Girl?™), but that's just it. They can't go back for at least a couple years, and that's their fault! Now baggy shirts are hip. Big ol' motherfucking sunglasses are too. And the pants? Don't even get me started on the pants. It's not that I care at all about fashion, it's that I want to know if a girl is fat/ugly. I don't know why, but I feel it necessary to asses the looks of every girl I see, and their dumb clothes make it hard for me to do so. I'm just gonna stop right here, This is terrible and I shouldn't post it. But....I think...I'm gonna.

*clicks "Publish Post" button multiple times*

adult cartoons and their effect on The Simpsons

2008-08-11T15:48:00.000-07:00

The Simpsons is a unique show. When it came out in 1989 it was the first cartoon to be put in a prime time slot, which changed a lot of things about television. Here was a show with adult jokes that was also made for kids. For me it was the first show that my whole family could enjoy equally. Cartoons are extremely versatile because they can show things that live action shows can't (blood), and they can easily do thing in them that can't be done in real life (a giant mushroom cloud on earth, shown from space, for example). The Simpsons made it ok to make cartoons for adults, and that seems to have opened a sort of Pandora's box.

Beavis and Butt-head:
It was funny, but also super dark (espescially the early episodes). Made for teenagers, which is probably why it didn't last too long (teenagers don't pay for anything, and their parents don't want to pay for any of the stupid crap they want). I wasn't allowed to watch it, but my sister took me to see the movie when it was in theatres.

King of the Hill:
I seem to remember this show as the second widely accepted adult cartoon, even though the only thing cartoon-y about it is the fact that it's animated. Slow, boring "cinematography"? Check. Cartoons doing stuff that actors could easily do? Check. Overly dramatic stories? Check. The worst character ever (Peggy Hill)? Check. Blah, they under-did it.

Futurama:
It was a good concept that just didn't really succeed with audiences. Since they were in the future they could do all kinds of crazy crap, and puting people from our time's heads in jars was a good call, because it let them make pop culture references, even though they were like, 2000 years in the future.

Family Guy:
Now here's where they really started getting crazy with the cartoon element. Family Guy came out and appeared to be the second coming of The Simpsons. It had funny jokes, hilarious stories, and a fat moron as the main character. It was going fine until we realized that they were only using two different devices to make us laugh: 1) constant flashbacks, which allow them to do pretty much any joke they think of at any time, and 2) dragging things out until they aren't funny, then dragging them past that point until they get funny again. It was funny for a while, but now it's not.

I think Family Guy is to blame for The Simpsons' current suckage. All the random humor in all the current shows (Aqua Teen Hunger Force, American Dad, Sealab, ect) has forced the Simpsons writers to try to keep up, and they just don't seem to be good at it. I hope they fix it soon, it's making me depressed.

Sorry, I'm sure this makes me sound like a boring dork.

Ding ding ba ding ding ding ba

Money going the way of the buffalo

2008-08-11T14:13:00.000-07:00

I bet in like, 15 years they'll stop making paper (and metal *deedely deedely*) money. We keep cutting down trees, which is bad for the top soil/earth in general, every place takes cards, and my faux-leather coin purse won't last much longer. They have meters now that you can pay by phone, vending machines that take cards, plus everyone buys their stuff off the internet (electronics, magic schnoz berries, groceries, pizza, music, coin purses, ect), and cards just take less time...unless you go to that shady corner store with the old ass machine that like, has a dial tone and stuff. When I picture the future I see rap video's with guys in hot tubs throwing American Express cards all over the place ("it's all about the yellow and red, intersecting circles be all up in my head"), fancy euro dudes carrying a money clip that has just their one debit card in it, and a decreased number of people getting foot-in-mouth disease.

Sorry, this post is terrible.

The UFC is lame

2008-08-11T13:28:00.000-07:00

Did I already write about this? I can't remember and I'd rather not go back and look, shit takes too long on my phone. Anyways, the UFC (Somethig that starts with U [Ultimate, probably] Fighting Championship [?]) is just too terrible. People seriously watch and love this shit. I've seen it a couple times, and I just can't help but wonder "who really gives a fuck about this?". Two dudes beating the shit out of each other? I think that's supposed to be a car-wreck kind of situation, nobody really wants it to happen, but when it does it's kind of interesting. Now maybe I've been using testosterone depleting toothpaste (although I've yet to grow bitch-tits), but how can this hold people's attention? More so than the actual fighting I hate the culture that comes with it. All the "Tap Out" shirts and tribal tattoo's just make my skin crawl. The whole thing just reminds me of a bunch of male porn stars all standing around in a circle getting excited about stuff. Getting in fights for a living has to be so bad for your brain. Personally I'd rather watch Jerry Seinfeld and David Cross get into a verbal argument.

One time I say Riley get punched out.

We were walking home from a party one night, at which Kelly had eaten a tiny piece of weed which, for some reason, pissed Riley off. I was giving Chelsey an epic piggy back ride when these dudes drove by and said something to Riley (nobody knows what it was). Like the fruit he is, he thought it would be a good idea to jump on the back of their car. I didn't know what the fuck was going on, but when they stopped the car about 100 yards from where we were I dropped Chelsey and started running. I got about half way there before the dude got out and punched Riley square in the nose (knocking him unconscious). When I got to him there was a river of blood pouring out of his nose, and his eyes were rolled back in his head. I had to hold him up and try to keep him awake until the ambulance showed up. We followed the damn ambulance to the hospital and stayed there until 7 am. I watched the doctor break Riley's nose back, and one of my better shirts was covered in blood. I couldn't help but think about how little I would ever want to do that to somebody, no matter how mad they made me. Maybe that's why I hate the UFC...or maybe it's because watching two dudes hug each other for 10 minutes is totally gay.

here's a weird thing that my friends and I do:

2008-08-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

Mike and One Night, the Stand Brothers
Warren and Cod, the Piece Brothers
Jan and Ed, the Itorial Twins
Bob and Tom, the Cat Brothers
Jerry and Members, the Only Brothers
Bea, Fuck and Jack, the Tup Triplets
Jethro and Jenna (Jen), the Tull Twins
Jerry and Petey, the Atric Brothers
Ray and Tommy, the Gun Brothers
Phil and Pinch, The Harmonic Brothers
Sue and Third, the Prize Sisters
Kim, Elle and Ty, the Bo Triplets
(Then Kim and Ty had to change their last name to Chi, after poor Elle got mixed up with those Columbian guerrillas)
Tara and 'Manda, the Tory Sisters
Amanda and Brooke, the Lynn Sisters
Scott and Liv, the Free Twins
Polly and Tara, the Gone Sisters
Dee and Jen, the Icide Sisters
Pat and Ray, the Sea Brothers
Gill and Mel, the Tee Brothers
Ray and Ronnie James, the Dio Brothers
Bruce and Juan, the Key Brothers (hahaha)
Chris and Harry, the Chin Brothers
Ben, Bill, and Stan, the Ding Brothers

We probably had 100+ of these, now I can't remember them. Help me out here.

I'm afraid I'll never leave

2008-07-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

I think I'm the only person I know that loves where we live. Of course they all like certain things about it, but I'm pretty sure I like it more. Yeah, I find the excessive bum population annoying, and parking is obviously terrible (I don't have a car, but I do spend plenty of time driving around with people looking for that happy lucky golden 32 dragon spot), and yeah, I know it's fucking cloudy all the time, but my favorite weather type is cloudy with no chance of rain...And I hate it when every person absolutely needs their own car...and come to think of it, I'd rather deal with crazy bums than soccer moms and white trash. Ok, it's obvious that I'm bitter towards places I've lived in and visited, but I'm not bitter about places I've never been. I want to go everywhere and see everything (like most people), but from what I've heard, San Francisco is the place for me. I'm not opposed to living here forever, but I always felt there must be something better out there for me. I'm just recently realizing that maybe there isn't.

Ten things in hate about SF:

1. No jamming on live drums in anyone's apartment
2. The shitty skatepark/shitty guy at the new awesome skatepark
3. The terrible public transportation
4. All the murder
5. Nowhere to build trails
6. No good bike shops
7. The Pound is gone
8. The expensive rent
9. The fact that everybody I know doesn't live here

Ten things I love about SF:

1. My friends
2. Thai/Indian food
3. It's never actually hot nor cold
4. You can ride a bicycle to anywhere in the city
5. The Richmond
6. I like how gay marrage is legal
7. 3rd and Army
8. Trees everywhere
9. The architecture
10. Cultural overflow

Blah.

My twenty favorite Alkaline Trio songs (in order)

2008-07-19T00:45:00.000-07:00

1) Crawl (FHTI)
2) Fine Without You (AT/1MAS)
3) Message From Kathleen (G)
4) My Friend Peter (S/T)
5) Trucks and Trains (FHTI)
6) Madam Me (MICF)
7) Do You Wanna Know? (A&I)
8) Queen of Pain (AT/HWM) [It was hard to decide between this and Back To Hell (C). Nostalgia won this time]
9) Back to Hell (C)
10) If We Never Go Inside (GM) [Reminds me of both Kristine and Steve, for no apparent reason]
11) She Took Him to the Lake (MICF)
12) Time to Waste (C)
13) Goodbye Forever (S/T) [I'm 90% sure I've heard this song more times than I've heard any other song in my life]
14) Burned is the House (A&I)
15) Another Innocent Girl (FHTO)
16) Hell Yes (R) [First song on the Halloween DVD]
17) Sun Dials (S/T)
18) Dead and Broken (1MAS)
19 Bloodied Up (FHTI)
20) All on Black (GM) [I talked to Shannon on the phone while we both watched them play this on Letterman. It was actually a pretty spooky performance now that I'm looking back on it. I think Matt was having trouble with his voice at that point, and it's rough. YooToobe it.]

Album Reference:
Goddamnit=G
Self Titled=S/T
Maybe I'll Catch Fire=MICF
From Here to Infirmary=FHTI
Good Mourning=GM
Alkaline Trio/Hot water Music Split=AT/HWM
Alkaline Trio/One Man Army Split=AT/1MAS
Crimson=C
Remains=R
Agony & Irony=A&I

Goodnight.

Edit: SorryAboutThatWhileYouWereWaitingClavicleWe'veHadEnoughOldschoolReasons

Life behind a one way mirror

2008-07-16T15:27:00.000-07:00

I sit behind a window at work that is completely reflective on the outside. I also work in kind of a shitty neighborhood (well Polk st. Is shitty). Being able to watch people without them seeing me is a definite perk of my job..and I guess it's a little creepy of me. Girls are the worst, they generally look exclusively at themselves for the entire time they're walking by the window (no offense!). One time I saw a disgusting bum comb his hair for like, 20 minutes straight. I also see an extremely high number of Abercrombie douchbags completely stop what they're doing so they can stare at themsleves and decide which tough expression looks best. The weirdest part to me is watching old ass people mess with their hair and clothes until it looks right to them, little do they realize that it doesn't make any difference what they do. Just going through the motions I guess.

music worth stealing

2008-07-15T14:18:00.000-07:00

Shai Hulud-Misanthropy Pure
There is no band in the world that can blend pretty with ugly this well. I've been listening to them since I was 16 or 17, and I still don't think I've found a more thought out band. Robbie went on tour as a merch guy for a band that was on tour with them once, and he came home with a plethora of weird stories about them (the drummer goes through a set of heads every night, they write songs 10 seconds at a time, ect). They're weird because they change members like I change my pants (kinda often), they're great because they hate everything, and they're interesting because they're tech-er than than tech, yet they're stuck such a boring-ist genre. I don't know why they do it, but they do it right.
Misanthropy Pure might be their roughest release yet. Get it.

Alkaline Trio-Agony and Irony
I sure do love this band. they've been writing songs directly for me since 1997, and it really feels like they might never stop *crosses fingers*. As always, they've gotten a little sassier, a little tighter, and a little less punk, all of which I can appreciate. Dan really shines on this one, more so than Matt I'd say, although Matt isn't slacking either, obviously. I don't know what to say about this honestly. It's the best thing I've ever heard, and everyone that doesn't have it is stupid. That'll do.

A post in which I briefly mention the old west

2008-07-10T13:29:00.000-07:00

Edit: so I wrote up this whole thing about getting rid of cars, replacing them with bikes and horses, and making an electric train system that would connect all the towns and cities. Blah, whatever. It's not ever going to happen, so why make myself sound like a weirdo socialist hippy?
I wish I lived in the old west. In those days, if you had a lil leather pouch it meant you got it from some guy who made it, then traded it to you for a coonskin cap and a wagon wheel (although I guess that doesn't seem quite fair). Back then people put in work all day so they could get by, and that was all there was to it. The information age has turned out to be the darkest age yet.

Sonora

2008-07-07T14:52:00.000-07:00

So Chelsey and I went to Sonora this weekend for the 4th of July, and it got me thinkin'. What is it that I don't like about Sonora exactly? It's hard to say for sure, but these things don't help: everybody seems to be from the same gene pool, the giant suv's and trucks that everyone feels they need to lease, the young parents, watching my own parents grow old, watching a semi-beautiful town get slowly turned into a giant strip mall, the lack of culture in general, ect. I think living in Sonora between the ages of 18 and 30 could have a huge negative effect on one's life. Everyone I see there that's my age just seems so unhappy (that's excluding a few exceptions of course). I dunno, I just hate being there on Sunday. Things I like about it: seeing my parents, seeing my friends, swimming, stars, The Diamondback, seeing weird stuff from my childhood (that giant birdhouse thing that's across the street from Carls Jr, the mailbox holding tin man that's always dressed up for whatever holiday is closest, ect).

On the lighter side: all over print clothes.

I'm baffled by this. I understand that fashion is always changing and all that, and I even understand all over print can look good sometimes (I have this shirt with a giant tiger face on it that is almost all over print, even though it was made in 1992), but lately it's just out of control. Rather than whine about it (I think we're all a little sick of that), I'm going to list my favorite AOP related things.
1) The other day I saw a kid wearing a sweatshirt that had shoes and hats printed all over it, hahaha
2) The time I saw a bum with a shit that had "$" printed aaaaaall over it
3) All the shirts that have like, cartoon charachters being all badass on them. Hahahaha
4) Those sweatshirts that are all yellow, blue, pink, and white that look like the camoflague you'd wear if you were hunting gummy bears in Candy Land
5) shirts where the all over print is just the company's logo a bunch of times. Those don't make you look like a whore or anything...

Aaanyways, I'm not ever going to own any AOP, so when I get old I can say "I never wore any of that garbage", before my grand kids roll their eyes and fly away on hover boards.

That one that's a Crimson Ghost with a gold tooth is pretty cool though.

Ah the joy and sorrow of looking at people I went to highschool with on Myspace

2008-07-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

If you've got some time to kill, I suggest typing in the names of people you went to school with into Myspace. It might make you feel terrible, but it also might make you feel better about yourself. Finding out who got fat, who got pregnant, who got a goatee, and who mysteriously moved to Germany can be extremely interesting. Remember that dude that was a total douche? He's on there, and he's reeeeally psyched on his new truck! Plus, besides learning about what they do for a living, you can also learn about what they think is cool enough to smear all over their page: Famous Stars & Straps logo's, a slowly moving slideshow which details that one totally awesome party they had up in Cedar Ridge, pictures of a celebrity that they for some reason thought was worth linking everyone to, ect. The possibilities are endless. I swear I'm not this bitter, but I do find this whole internet thing to be extremely strange. We're like, the first generation of people that have the luxury of finding out how people are doing five years after we graduation without having to actually interact with them.

On a related note, do you think the extent to which a Myspace profile is pimped directly relates to the person's self esteem? I don't, exactly, but I think the two can be related in some cases. So often the worst girl I ever met has the illest possible page, and when I see all the sparkly crap all over it and the weed leaf cursor icon, I can't help but imagine how gross her house is, or how mustard stained her sweatpants are. This is terrible, I'm sorry.

Being Sad

2008-06-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

What's up with this? I see so many people (teenagers) these days (my whole life) that base their identity around being sad. It's an entire subculture! I think it comes from having a relationship with a girl/guy for any ammount of time, then having that relationship end for whatever reason, then listening to sad music and relating every lyric to yourself. Suddenly you can feel all heavy about anything, and slouching you shoulders and taking pictures of yourself looking tourtured starts to make a lot of sense. I'm not looking at this from the outside here, I genuinely get it. What I don't get is the people who never snap out of it. There's nothing more embarrassing than an aging dude or girl who still thinks the world is such a cold, cold place. The world is an incredibly cold place, but unless you grow up and realize that it sucks for everybody, you're just going to look like a child forever. Do yourself a favor and enjoy the stuff you enjoy, because even if you got everything you ever wanted, your brain would make you want some other stuff that you can't ever have. I don't really even want to publish this, but I've written too much to give up now.

This post dedicated to the saaaad asian guy on the bus with the eyeliner and the My Chemical Romance sweatshirt. Keep your head up, kid!

another post that's really just me trying to put my thoughts into words, then getting frustrated and giving up

2008-06-26T13:34:00.000-07:00

Marrage: what is it for? To show the person you love just how much you love them by putting both of you in a situation that's quite hard to get out of? To feel alright with getting it on? To feel like adults? Tax purposes? Or, most likely, it's for expressing love and commitment to one another in front of god and everyone. I sound like a dick. I have no opposition to marrage of course (and if any of my married or engaged friends read this, you I'm not calling you out), but sometimes it feels like people use it to symbolize their adulthood (rather than getting a sports coat with leather elbow pads or something). I understand that when you're all done with college, and you've got a good job and a dog and a shiny red car, marrying the person you love seems like the next logical step. That's how our parents did it, right? Well usually. Both of my parents were married and divorced before they met each other, which isn't that uncommon. People don't know how they are going to change. You can't account for finding jesus, getting tired of your profession, getting a sudden urge to move to the Netherlands, getting a sudden urge to join the peace corp, or being given the opportunity to fulfill a life-long dream. When you take all these possible life altering possibilities, then multiply them by two (the number of people in the marrage), you get the estimated young marrage success probability ratio (which I believe is 2883762018272:1, although I could be wrong, I've never been good with numbers). I'm not preaching, I really don't know anything about this subject, but I don't see the harm in waiting a few years until you're both stable. I also don't have complete faith in these convictions because ooooh, marrage IS quite romantic. This is no place for paragraphs.

I want to know why they still make full strength soda

2008-06-24T12:49:00.000-07:00

People love disgusting food. I love disgusting food. It's in our dna to want fat and calories. Back in the day you had to hunt food, so when you finally got some it only made sense to gorge yourself because, well, who knows when the next wildabeast is gonna roll through. Times have obviously changed. Kids can now sit inside all day watching their favorite Tivo'd shows on their giant tv's, drinking soda and eating Hot Pockets. This is completely acceptable because technology tells us it is. We've made enough advances with the world that we can make tv that's all entertainment (no commercials), and food that'll keep your lil fat ass sitting on his/her fat ass. It makes parenting easier (your blob won't move unless he/she has to use the bathroom), so you can have more time to stress out about gas prices and the failing economy. I'm just waiting to hear about the first 5 year old to have a heart attack. I hate reading stuff like the stuff I just wrote, so I'll stop with it, but I just want to know why foods that are nothing but bad are still legal. I understand that there is a big healthy food organic locally grown trend going on right now, and that's great and everything...but I can't help but notice all the extra gooey triple chocolate fudge candy bars, and double double double cheesy bacon ranch burgers that exist today, that didn't when I was a kid. I just feel that the world would be much better if we would put some effort into getting white bread/soda/fast food/crappy frozen tv dinners out of circulation, and took some effort out of trying to pack as much tastyness into every fucking thing. Did you see that Baskin Robbins milkshake that has 2,000+ calories and 64 grams of saturated fat?! Of course everybody knows this, and I appologize for wasting your time. All we're need to do is make bad food unavailable, and sell decent food for cheaper! Who's with me! *looks around* ok, I didn't really feel like doing anything anyway.

Arrested Development

2008-06-22T21:08:00.000-07:00

Is the best show of all time. The Simpsons is my favorite, but AD is absolutely the best. Why? Because the sheer saturation of humor. Everything that happens is a joke, and every joke is tied into a million other jokes. The charachters are lovable, but they're secretly terrible (like real people). I dunno, I can't really describe it, but I can put the high points on a list:

Pop culture references (but not too many!)
David Cross
No fucking laugh track
Henry Winkler
The whole thing has a really clean feel to it, so it's never depressing
Michael Cerra
A lengthy list of running jokes (her?, Tobias and Barry being slightly {extremely} gay, I've made a huge mistake, Michael being a chicken, dear god there are a million more, but I can't concentrate because Family Guy
Good sets
GOB
Ok all I'm saying is, if you haven't seen it, you're missing out.

certain things make me feel funny

2008-06-22T00:47:00.000-07:00

And I certainly do like them. I'd like to hire someone to figure my life out for me, can that someone be you? Raising California.

wow, sidekick

2008-06-21T17:16:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I bought a Sidekick 3 from this girl on Craigslist, and with it I can write in this blog. Jeez, expect daily updates (assuming anyone still reads this thing).

Andy Shauf

2008-06-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

I bought his new cd, and I haven't bought a cd in a reeeeeeally long time. Listen to him somehow. Kid is way too good.

Nothington

2008-06-15T15:27:00.000-07:00

Through some strange turn of events, the singer/guitar player from Nothington (myspace.com/nothington) was at my house last night. We drank, a lot, and somewhere in there he mentioned that his band needed a drummer. I told him I was a drummer, and he said he'd check it out. I know nothing like this ever works out, but it's fun to think about (and he really didn't seem to have any other prospects drummer-wise). Man, we sure did drink.

The San Francisco Tiger Incident

2008-06-10T18:31:00.001-07:00

When I heard that Tatiana The Tiger had mauled a seventeen year old San Jose boy, I was naked and soaking wet on the floor of my bathroom all alone. This would be forever known as my W.P.C (Worst Possible Christmas). It all started when I found out I had to work on December 26th, coupled with the fact that I had to fly to Pomona (southern Ca) for Christmas. You see my grandma, uncle, aunt, and cousin live there, and we somehow ended up saying we'd go there and visit them. Now, Pomona is the worst place in the world, google it to find out what I mean. So I flew there on Christmas eve, stayed the night, then on Christmas we just kinda sat around my grandma's dusty house staring at each other. Oh yeah, my sister spends every other Christmas with her husband's family, thus, every other christmas sucks. So right before I'm about to fly home, my parents and I eat at Chevy's (first mistake). I got the fajitas. I flew home, and about 10 minutes after getting in the shuttle I start feeling queasy. The motherfucking shuttle driver has no clue where he's going, so the shuttle takes 1.5 hours to get me home. When I get home I feel really bad, and so I take a bath to unwind (second mistake). Midway through the bath I realize that I need to throw up, so I jump out and lunge for the toilet. Blah blah blah, long story short I threw up all night by myself (my girlfriend was out of town until the next week), and didn't end up going to work the next day. I still can't think about fajitas without feeling a lil gross inside. It was a lonely, pukey, sleepless, depressing Christmas, and I'm sorry I made you learn about it. Oh yeah, some stupid kid who was high/drunk got eaten by a tiger a few blocks from my house.

The Mountain Goats-Autoclave

Chris, Joe, and the Magic Tasty Berries of Lollypop Lane!

2008-06-10T17:49:00.000-07:00

These berries sounded so weird and interesting to Chris and me, we ordered some (6, I think), for $45. They'll be here on thursday, I'll let you know.

The bluetooth era.

2008-06-08T12:13:00.000-07:00

Those things are stupid. I can understand if you want to talk on the phone without holding it up to your ear (...I guess?), but keeping a little piece of plastic in your ear at all times is just crazy. Do you get that many phone calls? Do you think it looks cool? because I think it looks like some 1994 Star Trek shit. I don't think people realize that technological advances can be integrated tastefully into the world. "Oh man, you can git a lil thing you put in your ear that lets you talk to people without having to go through all the pain and suffering of holding an actual phone! Sounds like the kind of status symbol I need to have stuck to my head at all times!"

The Decemberists-The Sporting Life

Steve

2008-06-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

My friend Steve joined the Army on February 27th. I didn't really get the full story on why, but he's there. Georgia is the worst place I've ever been, and Steve has to spend this summer there. He gets to come home in 20 weeks, for a couple weeks, then its off to Iraq. It just makes me nervous to have my friend in such a dangerous/generally crappy situation. I talked to him on the phone yesterday, and he told me lots of interesting things (like the fact that going AWOL [absent without official leave] is punishable by death), and made me really not want to join the Army. *hopes for an exit strategy*

Midlake-Balloon Maker

Slack Lines

2008-06-02T19:54:00.000-07:00

If you don't know, now you know.
*misses Shannon*

One month of no internet distractions

2008-06-01T15:06:00.000-07:00

I can waste hours on the internet. Looking at bike stuff, looking at music stuff, looking at naked stuff, looking at just about any stuff that won't teach me anything. For the month of June the only sites I'll be visiting are here, my email (joereadel@gmail.com), Wikipedia, and any sites I need to get information quickly about anything that is directly affecting my life (movie times, how to take better care of our plants, ect). I just need a break from the time consumption.

Frank Sinatra-Bewitched

2008-05-31T13:51:00.001-07:00

Video games

2008-05-31T12:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, this whole video game thing is just completely out of control. I have (had) a friend who was always really into them, and as of late they’ve taken all control of his life. He plays them constantly, talks about them constantly, and actually writes about them quite often. I mean, I’m sure his Vicodin addiction is playing a part in this, but seriously, video games? They’re just completely laid out for you. Some dude who’s way smarter than you makes them, and the challenge is to simply complete objectives mapped out by said dude (I realize we all know what video games are, I just feel like when they’re broken down it becomes a lot more ridiculous). People are serious about them as if they actually exist in any real way. There’s just no creativity involved, and you’re actually just sitting perfectly still and pushing buttons (and I don’t want to hear the argument that the Wii is exercise. I’ve read about it, and research shows that it burns like 10 more calories than a regular video game). When I hang out with my friends I want to make something, I don’t know why. Working on a new song, editing music/video, riding bikes, even sewing shit, all makes much more sense to me than sitting silently next to each other and trying to win. Video games are harsh these days, too. One could spend hours playing Grand Theft Auto doing nothing but shooting people, blowing stuff up, and crashing cars into stuff. There are parents who buy this game for their kids and just let them play it all day. I’m not some kind of anti-violence guy (well I guess I am in a way, but not towards media in general), but giving kids a game in which anything goes (I’ve heard you can have a girlfriend with whom you can go on dates with/get bedded with, hahahaha) is simply bad parenting. You heard about that kid who went on a GTA-inspired shooting rampage, right? These things are not a healthy outlet for kids. I just can’t imagine just sitting idly by while your son or daughter stares into technology for hours at a time. And grown men playing these things? The fuck outta here. Don’t end up like my friend; fucking your liver with pills, sending pictures of your piece to some girl in New Jersey, and sitting like a zombie in front of a giant television for hours at a time. Go fly a kite (it’s actually a lot more fun than it appears to be).

Ok, breast implants

2008-05-29T23:10:00.001-07:00

No man wants you to get breast implants. They don't look good because they aren't real. I'm sorry, this is a touchy subject (no pun intended).

In other news Alkaline Trio

has a contest on their website where they give you the sheet music and lyrics to an unreleased song, and ask you to perform your own rendition and post it on YouTube before you hear their version. I think that's really fun, and Chris and I are gonna go for it.

Sorry, but I made a list of stuff I plan to talk about. Why exactly? no idea.

2008-05-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

Jim Morrison is stupid
Cars I hate
Video games
Drugs
Fast food/fat people/soda
The new Shai Hulud album
Arrested Development
"Rock music"
Being sad
The adult cartoon craze and its effects on The Simpsons
The San Francisco tiger incident/my worst Christmas
Overpopulation
Blueteeth
Bicycles
The internet
Homeless people/the coloring book lady
My friend Steve joining the motherfucking army
I wish I liked fish but I don't
Sonora, and why I can't live there
Goatees are the new moustache
People wearing exercise clothes around like they're regular clothes
Reality television
Breast implants
Every Time I Die is the worlds greatest band/The Pepperidge Farm incident
All over print clothes
Architecture
Suicide
The UFC
Beer
The guy from Austria who imprisoned his daughter in his basement for 20+ years
Neck ties
My Man Powered Super Carbon Fiber Nano-Tech Solar Flying Machine®

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club-Weight of the World

So I inadvertently erased the contents of my iPod

2008-05-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

(Photo taken roughly .5 minutes after the incident)

So Richie came to visit me yesterday after work. He had to drive some friends of his to San Francisco from Sonora, so he spent the night at my apartment and hung out for a while today. We made turkey tacos, then drank beer while listening to and talking about music on the computer (via my iPod). Yadda yadda yadda, my iPod is completely empty. I'm mostly just curious about how 8,000+ songs could have gotten erased from a hard drive so fast. Anyways, I know the stuff I have to have (Alk3, ETID, HWM, ect), but I really can't remember a lot of stuff that was on there. If you know about a band that totally rules, let me know. Richie is the best guy. *Sigh*

The Strokes-Between Love & Hate

Cloverfield

2008-05-26T21:52:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've sat through an entire horror movie. When I was in high school I used to love them, but somewhere along the way became more interested in the stories, and less interested in the action (although that Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a great, great movie). I watched Cloverfield just now and it blew my mind. Making the whole thing be from the point of view of a hand-held camcorder ala The Blair Witch project was a good idea, because they could make a realistic CG monster that we didn't have to have smeared into our face (ala King Kong and all those movies). Really scary movie.

Conversation

2008-05-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

I find it strange that people feel they need to introduce themselves/shake hands/make small talk ("Oh, where do you go to school? What do you study? Where are you from??"). I mean, I feel obligated to do these things also, but why? Conversation has to be so safe so we don't offend each other, but that makes formal functions sooooo boring. I think it's why booze was invented.

Next time I meet someone I'm gonna say: "Hey, what is your religious belief? Who are you gonna vote for?"

Bands that have (or had) the same members the whole time

2008-05-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

Being in a touring band is hard. Well, being in a non-famous touring band is hard. You're stuck in a tiny van with the same five dudes for months at a time, it's hot, it's freezing, the dudes are gross and annoying, you miss everyone, you're tired of sleeping on the floor, ect. I really admire bands that stay together for hella long, because it must be really hard to not kill each other/decide that your life is too ridiculous and you need to go back home and get a real job. I'm not talking about U2 or Green Day here, because going on tour for them is probably like a luxurious vacation. I'm talking about bands that put in work for years, and got shit on in return.

Hot Water MusicThere might not be a more wholesome band out there than HWM. They were together forever, they retained their sound (which obviously influenced TONS of bands from the Gainesville area coughGunmollcough) and they seemed to be the best of friends while doing it. I feel like Chris (far right) is the one that likes music (see: Trusty Chords), while Chuck (second from left) is the one that likes the message (see: Turnstile), and this works extremely well for them. (Favorite 3 songs: Just Don't Say You Lost It, The End, Ink And Lead)

At The Drive-In

At The Drive-In: Arguably one of the best bands of all time, ATDI never changed their lineup after they became “famous” (I put it in quotations because, well, they never got all that famous). These guys truly hated each other for most of the time they were together, and I think that explains their jarring, genre bending sound. I think it comes down to the fact that Cedric and Omar love drugs, while Jim loves booze. As for Tony and Paul? Who knows, maybe they love leather craft or something. Jim kept Omar’s Psychedelic shit at bay, and Omar kept Jim’s wimpy emo stylings at bay also...a different bay. Two different bays, ok? (Favorite 3 songs:Pattern Against User, Ursa Minor, Lopsided)

Darkest Hour
I know that they had a different drummer for “The Mark of the Judas”, but who really counts that? Darkest hour has been one of the top thrash bands forever, and for good reason. They're just absolutely relentless. I feel like when you're in a heavy band it's especially hard to stay together, because so few people like heavy music, plus softer/more radio friendly music is much easier to play and write. They have been together for a long time, so they must really love what they do...I know I do. (Favorite 3 songs: The Sadist Nation, Fire In The Skies, A Cold Kiss)

More later...or maybe not, who knows.

This is where I smear my opinions.

2008-05-22T23:05:00.000-07:00

Get ready!